Day 693 the wall of yelling.
'I do not want to talk about it, then I Isolate myself from contact' for context please see my previous post.
'I do not want to think about what I am yelling around'. I already came to this conclusion at a younger age observing my parents and the way they were communicating with each other.
What I noticed was that they agreed to Communicate with each other in a hostile way.
I realize see and understand that I am thinking about words as 'shout, snarling, unfriendly, disapproving and dismissive'. They created a wall of yelling around me, my brother and sister. They got used to this way of Verbal violence in moments where the doors of there business were closed. When the doors opened they behaved the opposite what I experienced as Sanctimonious and unfair.
This morning I was reading in a Virus free Mind In which Bernard Poolman refers to:
In that same bible you can read, as Bernhard Poolman also tells In a Virus free Mind That we are responsible for our thoughts and decisions and can not blame others or make them responsible. What I did when I was a child.
I know that my fathers father died when my father was young. Unsolicited, he was ordered to lead his parents business. His mother was the director. Like A bitch, my mom told me, she ruled over my dad. What he did was never good enough.
'What he did was never good enough',when I think back about the way my father treated me I was thinking during Reading in a 'Virus free Mind' And previous lessons and posts I've written - A common thread that runs through my mind as a memory and thoughts which pops-up as backchat in my consciousness is the phrase: 'what I do will be never good enough.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself assuming what I do - will be - never - good enough.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I experience the energy of destruction when I think about 'what I do will be never good enough.'
If and when I am thinking 'what I do will be never good enough', then I Stop myself and Breath.
I realize see and understand that this assumption The desire to do something undermines. A mine that detonates if I don't take away the energetic (Virus).
I commit myself take away my thoughts, personalities and assumptions which I accepted and allowed myself to exist as what undermines my willingness to do something practical and creative in life.
Thanks for reading!
See for yourself how to explore your responsibilities.