Day 692 change in mind

In my previous posts I came to the realization 'As a result of my contribution I expect An eruption of aggression and violence', Which I can not avoid. 

For example, always starting up on a different topic, changing direction or saying: 'I do not want to talk about it, then I Isolate myself from contact'. 

So the change which I have in mind is Always based on the assumption that change is imminent. I have always doubted this premise. This is because my starting point is based on my assumption that I doubt the fact that I can make changes possible because I do not have a direction or goals in mind. The assumption that I have allowed myself to assume something that is now subject to change which is not there. 

For instance Demanding others: 'what you do, you do on my terms', I accepted and allowed myself That I had to avoid aggression and violence. Those where the terms I started living for. To keep the peace in the house. 

When I was living with my parents, I wanted to escape from this place of noise. I had this Flee in mind because I experienced the atmosphere in the house as unsafe. I never talked directly to my parents about this insecurity. But In my mind I made the decision that wanted to soothe aggression and violence so avoid the energy of aggression dominated by anger. This became my responsibility Which has made me to accept an unstable sense of selfbeing Because I was focused on avoiding. 

During or impending a conflict situation I have developed a more passive aggressive attitude. Then I have in mind I want to keep people away. Away from the conflict What I expect. I want to keep conflict at a safe mind distance because the energy of conflict already exists. This for instance is how I try to eliminate ambientnoise Using earplugs. I realize see and understand that there is always something in between the direct confrontation. 

The direct conversation I want to avoid in my mind by manipulating the situation by proposing 'demand' it should be different.

The manifestation by proposing that I want to achieve a indirect Devised certainty. 

I realize see and understand that I want to avoid the direct confrontation Because I expect aggression, and violence caused by  anger. 

Selfforgiveness 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I want to avoid the direct conversation in my mind. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that want to avoid by manipulating the situation proposing 'demand' it should be different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I want to achieve avoiding because I demand' it should be different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I want to manifest the manifestation of proposing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in my mind I want to achieve a Devised certainty. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I developed the demon of Self-confidence in my mind. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I created self confidence because of my insecureness experience I want to achieve a Devised certainty. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I want keep conflict at a safe mind distance. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I decided I do not want to talk about it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I do not want to talk about it, instead I Isolate myself from contact'. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I want to avoid the manifestation of conflict by proposing that I want to achieve a indirect devised certainty. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I tend to avoid, appease a conflict. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I am Afraid of confrontation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I want to avoid the confrontation which is associated with aggression and violence. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself As a result of my contribution I expect An eruption of aggression and violence. 

If and when As a result of my contribution I expect An eruption of aggression and violence, then I Stop myself and Breath. 

I realize see and understand that when I communicate my need this is accompanied by my expectation that a conflict will arise. 

I realize see and understand that when I don't speak up, don't show my true needs, it will always come at the expense of self-esteem and confidence in myself. It bottoms up. I will be bothered by it. 

I realize see and understand that I am afraid of rejection or disapproval. But in fact I disapprove myself.

I commit myself when I decide that avoiding conflict means I allow myself that my needs will be unfulfilled, then I Stop myself and Breath. 

Thanks for reading! 

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