Day 643 participate in angry backchat

I recognize moments in my life where I may for a while participate in angry backchat and resentment towards someone or something, but then it will seemingly ‘go away’ after a while – this ‘going away’ is not in fact real - it

means we have locked the reaction into a box within our minds, so that we may feel like ‘we are okay’ and continue with our day. The things which I see, are happening into myself which I need to be aware of. 

link image 

I realize, see and understand ''yes exactly - that is where the mind will direct the awareness of self to look at, distract from the actual evil i am particpating in in my thoughts to condem another without standing in there shoes through and through and if one can not do that, focus on self, this is the key i have found - bring the 'evil' one see in the world back to oneself. 

So – imagine that when such moments keep repeating over time, we keep adding more and more energy reactions within this box within ourselves – every time we suppress, the energy within us builds and builds and builds, the anger secretly accumulating within us. 

Now there will come a moment where we would normally react in irritation or frustration – but instead – an explosion of anger takes place and all the suppressed and accumulated energy comes to the surface and is exerted externally towards the trigger point in that moment – where we are now participating in this anger OUTBURST, a ‘blind rage’, which is experienced as a total possession as we cannot seem to stop shouting and yelling and participating in all the physical behavioral changes that are typical to the Anger Character. In such moments we represent a danger to ourselves and others due to the extent to which the anger ‘takes over’ and due to the nature of the Anger Character as inciting physical action as fighting.

Herein, there are two important points to note:

1.

Outbursts of anger will be triggered by something or someone within our environment. 

2.

Any reaction in anger, frustration, disgruntlement, irritation, etc. – no matter how slight – are important to be investigated, directed and diffused – for it is such slight reactions that, if suppressed and left unattended – will accumulate and accumulate and accumulate into this giant ball of anger that will one day explode – and when it explodes, actual physical harm can become unto others or oneself.

1 How it started

1. As a child I decided that I would never actual physical harm others. 2. I also decided that I would solve my problems myself because I could not trust others because I did not experienced this trust to do so. 3. When I try to trust someone there is always this energy of slightly doubting at the background which convinced me that I am Be right to not trust people. 

3 a. So, Apart from the person who triggers this slightly doubt, the experience of doubt to trust others already existed before I ever met this specific person. 

Because as an adult, you have the ability to respond. Your child doesn't. See link please. 

I realize, see and understand I suppress the energy of anger, which already was locked into the box within my mind, I understand that It will be repeating over time, in a way the existence of slightly doubt to trust others, I will adding more and more energy every time I suppress it secretly, then it will accumulate more, and more and more.

I realize, see and understand that there are meetings with people and thoughts which trigger my slightly doubt energy experience within my mind. So first I need to step into this box. The experience. 

2 The decision 

As a child I decided, I accepted and allowed myself, that I would never actual physical harm others. I made this decision of acceptance and allowance because I was witness of actual physical harm, Accompanied by the The outburst of Anger. Because I decided that I never would act and Behave like the Anger character, I made a image of the scene with sounds and afterwards I put some thoughts at this image Accompanied by sound, and the decision That I would never harm but save people, take care to not harm, Who were threatened by angry people, triggered in my mind, as the decision I made instead never physically harm people I suppressed my own experience.

The Mood swings from people within my environment made me feel doubting as the energy of doubt which I noticed in myself, which became the actors examples mirrored within my mind. 

People who's mood changed during the period they used alcohol. Because they consumed alcohol, their behaviour also changed. Some were happy, others frustrated, Some of them angry. This was my audience, my mirrors, my examples, during the time I grow up in the bar of my parents. 

During this period of time in my life where I was told by my parents to behave customer friendly because of economic reasons. They told me to behave customer friendly otherwise the customers wouldn't come back to the bar.

They told me that I had to behave customer friendly otherwise the customers wouldn't come back to the bar. Then I would harm my parents economic.

Selfforgiveness 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I Treat people as told by my parents, so I expect that they have to behave customer friendly, I investigate how they react to my behaviour, If I ignore them, or laugh at them, that shouldn't be the reason they're going to ignore me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself That I don't suppose or expect 'otherwise the customers wouldn't come back to the bar' no matter what happens I expect that people will and should Treat me customer friendly. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking when I Ignore people, the next time when we will meet, they'll just have to treat me loyal again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself That I unconsciously Suppose and then start thinking 'people will come back to me No matter how I behave.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I think That most people are good but that I also trust them that they can change and harm others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I doubt about committing myself to agreements because I have doubt in mind, and this Changes in my mind make me Not reliable in the Compliance of something that is unclear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that there is the energy of things which are unclear and my experience and assumption that people should be loyal to my belief that they should always behave customer friendly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that my decision to not physically harm other people I made with the rules and values which included the information, the rules to not harm people physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was told to be loyal to rules and values as told, which I accepted and allowed myself to follow. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I followed the rules and values as told, one of them - 'do not harm others physically', sounds to me as 'Treat others the way I want to be treated!'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I follow the way - 'I will to be treated, Like shit! Oeps!'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking I am participating in The energy of a angry backchat which I realize, see and understand now is the intrance into my Proof that humans are unreliable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I believe that humans are unreliable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was told 'be reliable in following up the rules and values we told you, as given.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I developed doubt because people in my world changed their behavior Contrary to what they told me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was disappointed because people walked their own rules and values Contrary to what was told to me, which I accepted and allowed myself to be trapped in as the truth which became Confusion at the moment others act Contrary to my assumption.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I am confused at the moment people act Contrary to my assumption.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself being confused since the moment people act Contrary to my assumption, as the assumption of values which I followed as told, which made me feel insecure, because in my experience it was Hypocritical, because people were acting otherwise. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking when people act otherwise as what I expect they are hypocrite. 

If and when I do not direct the awareness of self to look at, and point my finger at others, then I Stop myself and Breath. 

I realize, see and understand there is a pull i have found to point fingers and scream 'they are evil!!!!'

I realize, see and understand that it's like a default program i have found within me, that will trigger whenever there is a form of anger or strong emotion like fear comes up in relation to something i am facing in my external reality. 

I commit myself direct the awareness of self to look at and see 'bring the evil I see in the world, in my external reality back to myself as 'focus on self.' 

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