Day 738 engage with the child.

How it started

I was in rehab for a while. During this period I did rescripting sessions and went imaginaire back with a therapist to several moments wherein I felt that the grown-up people did not listen to my needs. I did not had the words back then to explain what I needed. 

During Autobiography therapy and the Desteni process I developed more understanding of my acceptance and allowance. 

What I Researched was Find out how this pitfall came about. 

Where did these extremely high demands come from? 

Did your parents only give you love on condition? I accepted the help of a therapist to trace the origin of my pitfall.  Then I connected with and engaged with the child in me. 

I also behaved hypocritical, behaving in a way that suggests one has higher standards or more noble beliefs than is the case.

This can evoke painful or sad feelings Which was also true. One of the parts was to tell my life story to the group I was staying in. During this lecture I cried a lot. Before that during sessions I did that too and thought to myself why do you whin so much, the critical voice in my mind told me that. Imagination and Rescripting is a treatment technique that focuses on imagining and changing (rescripting) loaded (memory) images. By reducing the impact of trauma related memories or feared events, psychological complaints can be reduced.

To avoid feared events I looked at ways to deal with it. For example one of them was using alcohol, Or come up with excuses because I was bored. 

That I strived for perfection to keep good peace. Adapted to others to avoid unrest. Avoiding unrest was my goal. Keeping others happy. Adapted and alert to changes in the environment. For fear of unrest. As long as I can remember. 

Driven by perfection To avoid what I was anxious about. I didn't learn to experience my needs. 

The voice of extremely high demands arose to compensate for my emotions of inferiority, social isolation, neglect, Being ridiculed or failure. My parents and grandparents made me experience myself ashamed or reacted very harshly if I didn't meet the extreme demands. I felt Lonely. 

They made others around them feel uncomfortable because they are unable to meet there high standards. 

The high standard that they claimed to be the approval Which they demanded. They provided each other and others with their criticism. In their eyes, others had to behave according to their demands. They blamed mistakes so others needed to avoid mistakes, to obtain their approval. They Were mainly busy to pursue perfection and commanded, or with a passively aggressive tone, for peace and order around them.

There demands been so high that you see many activities as an obligation or an ordeal that you simply have to go through, rather than just enjoying it.

On really everything they had negative comments. It was never good enough. I was alert and prepared for a correction. I thought every moment of the fact in a moment I will be ridiculed. They will never meet me. 

As a single I neglect my friends. I procrastinate a lot of things. Because my high demands make me think I won't be able to handle certain tasks, I avoid them.

I often feel annoyed or frustrated because things and the people around me don't meet my high standards.

When I am in a relationship, I am extremely critical and demanding.

I realize see and understand that I was very status oriented, I will never feel good enough no matter what I did. The emphasis is mainly on recognition and status and is often aimed at compensating for feelings of inferiority. A "false self" can develop.

I don't really have an answer to the question why am I rushing myself so much. It's like I think you'll eventually get satisfaction from what I am doing. I don't realize that the way I pursue that satisfaction is getting in the way of the pleasure. The relaxed and peaceful state I hope with all your might never comes. And even if that were the case, l will find something else to pursue.

Cause

Growing up in an atmosphere of conditional love is an important source of developing this pitfall. You got love and approval provided you performed well. Or one of your parents (or both) was itself a textbook example of high standards. They lived out their own perfectionism, orderliness, status orientation or success. Behind doors they fight each other. In the presence of customers they behaved friendly and kindly mannered. Which I have experienced as a hypocrite and confusing. 

Thanks for reading! 

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