Day 637 appointment.

What is a convivial atmosphere, adjective: friendly; agreeable: a convivial atmosphere. fond of feasting, drinking, and merry company; jovial. of or befitting a feast; festive.

The Appointment in my youth was, the agreement, arrangement, engagement, rendezvous, my parents learned me. What they learned me then I accepted to create a atmosphere of Conviviality. 

On the other hand the atmosphere at home, which I experienced and interpret, for me it was very uncomfortable, uncertain, aggressive, in one word unhealthy. 

When I stand equal with the meaning appointment, which resonates with me then the word uncomfortable pops-up. Why should I believe that an appointment I made will stand? The appointment my parents told me creating Conviviality for the outerworld, for the customers, being good for them, and behind the Front door the opposite of Conviviality was the atmosphere, which I experienced as evil, unnatural, hypocrite and agressive! 

Selfforgiveness 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself asking myself and thinking 'why should an appointment I made will stand?'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I wonder myself 'why should a Be made appointment will stand?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that standing equal with in real time walking appointments is uncertain. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking walking appointments in real time is uncertain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that walking appointments in real time will be uncertain. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I experience the energy of uncertainty before I walk a Appointment in real time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that the thought of practical walking a Appointment does make me experience uncomfortable. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that the word successful pops-up when I experience the energy of being uncomfortable. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I associate the energy of uncomfortable with the word successful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I got used at being a loser instead of being successful. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I got used to my assumption 'I'am a successful loser'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking 'I'm a failure'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself 'accepting being a failure does not include that I have to walk practical goals in real life'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself after I lost the experience of being successful I lost purpose to reach for practical use or goals or healthy relationships or agreements. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that being successful was the way I was identified myself with. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that the idea of having a good time I associated with I have to be useful for someone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that the idea of first being useful for someone else made me feel sad. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I being successful and useful associated with the use of alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that alcohol took away from me the experience, the disbelief and experience of being sad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that when I use alcohol I lose the idea of having purpose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that at the other hand I also associate using alcohol with being successful, uncomplicated and having fun and creating the atmosphere of Conviviality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I don't trust people who act the atmosphere of Conviviality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I associate aggression, discomfort and physical abuse with Conviviality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I Refuse to go to an environment where Coziness and Conviviality is faked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I behave passive and neglect to meet M, when I think about the relationship with M who approaches me aggressive lately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I in my mind approach people passive aggressive lately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that when I act passive aggressive then I neglect to speak, or make contact with the ones I push away, because of my inner Furiosity. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have to create the opposite of Which I have to suppress because I need to be friendly and do my job create the atmosphere of Conviviality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that M lately behaved aggressive during a car Ride. 

If and when I I stand equal with the energy of rememberacance pops-up thinking at F who was driving the car and behaved aggressive, then I Stop myself and Breath. 

I realize, see and understand that that I stood not equal whit the energy of aggression, which I could not deal with, I did not learned to speak about what was going on in myself as my inner experience, which became my inner turmoil of acceptance 'not speak about, walk away, turn around, neglect people, push them away etc.

I commit myself, and I laugh, because my commitment is unsure. It's sure that I am trustful with agreements because I never trust anyone because of growing up in a uncertain atmosphere where I experienced a lack of securenes, but I am not sure about it. Lol

Desteni I Process

EQAFE aggressive.