Day 668 seeking approval powered by the energy of disapproval.
Seeking for Approval powered by the energy of disapproval. How does it looks like? It's not good enough for me to say someone is victim of the circumstances. It's much more valuable to find out the reasons why.
The always and all times accumulated energy of disapproval as the energetic existance, gaining for approval was always there, at the background of my mind, as long as I can remember.
Meaning: 'I always walked around as the experience, as the assumption 'Disapproval is there and will look around the corner at any moment.' Kiekeboe.
Disapproval is the outcome of all the things Which I'm setting in motion. So why should I!!!
This energetic experience caused lots of fear and insecurity. They became visible in the backchats, my accepted personalities.
The fear of Disapproval as my interpretation after observation the Way people looked at me. With their facial expression they told me there disapproval. Or people change their promises or appointments with the intention to tease and trigger the disapproval in me.
There is one Main idea in my head, a core idea that promises should be unconditional and under every circumstances Must be followed up.
This idea I have Based on the principle we must offer our children protection, safety and appreciation and commitment in their interest what's the best for the child.
If parents want children the To be realized conditions are Counting demands, a unconditional promise must and should be 'I support my child To ensure the child's Selfhonest Innocence body and Beingness'.
Assumptions
'Disapproval will look around the corner at any moment.'
With their facial expression they told me there disapproval.
Or people change their promises or appointments with the intention and awareness that they want to tease and trigger my disapproval.
I Did things so that I gave people reason to show me their disapproval.
Disapproval is the outcome of all the things Which I'm setting in motion.
The outcome to tease and trigger the disapproval in me.
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Selfforgiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I always and all times focused on the accumulated energy of disapproval.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I focused at the energetic existance, gaining for approval.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that the experience of disapproval was always there, at the background of my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I focused at the energy of disapproval as long as I can remember.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself assuming 'Disapproval is there'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was thinking disapproval will look around the corner at any moment.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking disapproval where are you 'Kiekeboe', lol.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I as a child developed a logical tactic to gain D's approval.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I started thinking how I could turn the polorized assumption 'disapproval into approval'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that the memory about disapproval as a way of life became the seeking for approval.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that people with their facial expression showed me there disapproval.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I because I was assuming disapproval start trying to make some specific people happy for a moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I after this action of teasing others not experienced myself as I am good enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself before I started pleasing specific people It seemed to me like the perfect path to take.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that after this experience I feared to behave spontaneous.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking this way of acting spontaneous will result into failure and disappointment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I started thinking about if I behave spontaneous will Change into Disappointment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking If I act spontaneously disapproval will follow.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I switched my innocence spontaneous Beingness into the disapproval personality seeking for approval.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself started With ruminate this belief.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I started With ruminate this belief when I behave spontaneous disapproval will follow.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that It became a continued path for many years.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself believing if I act sponteneous people react whit disapproval which Is my responsibility.
If and when I act as my developed tactic to gain external approval, then I Stop myself and Breath.
1. I realize see and understand that I developed a logical tactic for me to gain external approval because I am still expecting disapproval.
2. I realize see and understand that acting spontaneous became my assumption 'if I behave spontaneous people will react with the energy of Rejection, incomprehension and disapproval, which made me feel disappointed, which resulted into the personality 'l Loss my Oneness and Equality, a Beingness which act as what's the best for all life, this energy of loss of innocence poped-up in my belief mind system as the decision I made. This belief system started accumulating the energy of disappointment, fear, always expecting the Negative, loneliness and being a failure.
I commit myself that I write down some more realizations to share with you.
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