Day 667 Addicted to the energy of Disapproval.

Or that, for context please see previous blog, according to others, when I do not meet their standards of how I present myself in appearance, according to not follow up others standards, the result will be that I will participate in the energy of disapproval. 

Assumption

'If I do not fit into the standards of others I am sure disapproval will follow'. I realize see and understand within the same breath my realization pops-up that Disappointment is the brother of disapproval. 

I realize see and understand In moments where I participate in the experience and energy of disapproval, at the same moment I am longing for unconditional approval and positive Support. Which is almost impossible. 

When the energy of disapproval accumulates and pops-up in my mind, my mind takes control over my body and Beingness. So to receive approval, is not possible because the energy of disapproval blocks the Entry.  

Because the entrance is blocked I can not receive approval. Therefore I have created images how approval should be. Images and ideas about approval. My experience of Expectation, my desire how approval should look and feel like. 

So what I Unconsciously have in mind is that I want to reach an agreement, a solution to receive approval in moments wherein I assume disapproval. But, 'When I do not fit into the standards of others, when they show me disapproval, what will happen, as the result to come? 

In general if I expect disapproval, instead approval, disapproval will follow'. 

If and when I am longing for approval, I have to realize, see and understand that I am participating in the energy of disapproval. 

On the other hand I don't clearly enough speak about what I need because I learned myself when I subordinated myself to the needs of others, I am not responsible for the energy of disapproval. Therefore I decided to act as the personality of adaptation. To keep the peace in the room. 

I realize see and understand - 'To bring back approval in my mind which I was missing because of disapproval - in my mind I was also longing for 'peace, justice and harmony.'

Meaning

Subordinated: 1: placed in or occupying a lower class, rank, or position: inferior a subordinate officer. 2: submissive to or controlled by authority. 3a: of, relating to, or constituting a clause that functions as a noun, adjective, or adverb. 

Thinking: 'In order to receive satisfaction, first I have to comply with the requirements and Highest Perfectionist standards of the other person. 

Selfforgiveness 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself If and when I am longing for approval, I have to realize, see and understand that I am participating in the energy of disapproval. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking I always wants to satisfy others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking when I satisfy others I will receive approval. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking I have to satisfy others that's why I will serve them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I expect approval when I serve others and in the same moment I am participating in the energy of disapproval?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have in mind I will Keep the peace in the room. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I made the decision: 'Even if I get annoyed by environmentel noise pollution, then I justified my decision to keep the peace in the world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I fled away from My home environment 'To bring back - in my mind what I was missing - 'peace, justice and harmony in my mind'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking, assuming in order to receive satisfaction, I first have to comply with the highest requirements and standards Which the other person as a mandatory order Urges me to deliver without contradiction. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in moments where I experience the energy of disapproval I know that I am longing for approval. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when I experience the energy of disapproval I experience myself misunderstood. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I did not clearly enough understood that I need to communicate and tell others about the misunderstandings which I experience. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was feeling lonely and afraid, to not be able to communicate the desire and missing of what my needs Are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I accepted the personality that I adapted myself to the wishes of others. 

Manupulating parents was a point wich I remember. I was longing to receive positive confirmation, being valued positive. Instead approval I designed the images, energy and assumptions about disapproval. Which became the starting point for my desire to receive approval, which turned into my mind emotional turmoil landscape. Accumulated energy within my physical body and innocence Beingness. 

'Innocence', meaning not yet involved without the senses, from this landscape influences. 

I realize see and understand that's why I became a soldier - To bring back justice and harmony in the world. I wanted to run away from home, leave, Fleeing away from my unsafe living environment wherein I was raised. 

Intense and overwhelming emotions. 

Parenting, Anger, irritation, sadness, teenager, disappointment, teenage years, short fuse, getting what I want, maturity, emotional victimization, controlling emotions, directing emotions, emotional Child Development, emotional manipulation as a child, childhood and emotions, emotional childhood, manipulating parents, emotional teenage hood, teenagers and emotions, not getting what I want, emotional tantrums. 

For specific context, klik the links below :

Desteni DIP Lite proces. 

Desteni.org