Day 612 postpone apologies.

Realization comes over time. When reading blogs from fellow Destonians. Pick out, just one or two words which can brings back memories in mind. As assumtions or expectation. 
I realize see and understand For a long time I desired for apologies, which I was thinking that the one's I was longing apologies from Deliberately postponed to give me those sorry vindications. I realize see and understand because they did not, they did not showed me unconditional Support. That was the reason I started thinking I'm not worthy enough to receive apologies. In the art work above you see the spaghetti of thoughts, conclusions, emotions and my with relief fulfilled writing. Written with green ink from an orange pen. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that someone who I blamed for something that person did not what I wanted him to do the way I expected.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I did not get apologies as the way I expected that's why I was the victim of his postponement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I justify my self-interest. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking that person is not interested in what I need. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that what I need was to get was my desire for understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that my desire for apologies never came never have been fulfilled.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking 'why did they never made apologies.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking that excuses been postponed, blaming the people which did not, because I was expecting to get apologies from them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was expecting apologies from others, as in myself accepted desire which I used as reason I justified my blame against others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I blamed others, exist as blame in me.
If and when I start blaming, I will Stop myself and Breath. 
I realize see and understand when I think that others Intentionally postpone apologies, it will reminds me, it always will be my self-interest expectation, something which I expect to receive from others, as the expectation created as myself.
I commit myself that my expectations as backdoors which function to blame others, I will and need to adres at my own to investigate the issue as me. 

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