DALKondersteuning

The experience of expectation about the outcome of my expectation in relation that I desire to get something from someone is different then what I have expected.  It's also possible That I feel bad because the outcome of what I've done makes me feel bad. Or do I feel that way because the wrong outcome was my fault?  I realize see and understand that by writing self-forgiveness I get aware of my expectation, that I can learn which new committed goals I can walk.  Selfforgiveness   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I Longed for the outcome.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself it was unfair because the outcome was otherwise as expected.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I developed the energy of anger because the outcome of what I expected was different.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was disappointed in myself because the outcome o...

In my previous posts I came to the realization 'As a result of my contribution I expect An eruption of aggression and violence', Which I can not avoid.  For example, always starting up on a different topic, changing direction or saying: 'I do not want to talk about it, then I Isolate myself from contact'.  So the change which I have in mind is Always based on the assumption that change is imminent. I have always doubted this premise. This is because my starting point is based on my assumption that I doubt the fact that I can make changes possible because I do not have a direction or goals in mind. The assumption that I have allowed myself to assume something that is now subject to change which is not there.  For instance Demanding others: 'what you do, you do on my terms', I accepted and allowed myself That I had to avoid aggression and violence. Those where the terms I started living for. To keep the peace in the house.  When I was living with my p...

In my previous post: ' how thinks can be done '  I committed myself in the post to come, this one, I will write about my expection: 'in advance of my contribution I already experience rejection As a result of my contribution'.  I am learning to understand that others can think differently from what I think. As a child I was expecting and automatically think and assumed that others without my explanation could understand what I was thinking.  In elementary school, I had an experience. While and after I was playing in the schoolyard. The experience which I did not understood was that I was punished by my Teacher.  My playing, my Spontaneous contribution to the game with other children, I was punished because I hadn't heard the teacher's instruction that I had to stand in line. Because I did not she ordered me to Wait next to the entrance door of the Schoolbuilding. I waited there for three hours. In the Meantime A happening took place inside the sc...

I am looking for someone who is always kind, caring and helpful as a natural way of unconditional being and support. I realize, see and understand that I am looking, instead indifference for someone without doubt, always kind, caring and helpful as a natural way of Selfhonest Beingness, a person who offers me unconditional support. I realize see and understand In relation to disorder I am longing for order without the energy of indifference. When I think about Unconditional Support, I compare this to the ' Love ' of caring, at the same time Love actually shows me the word indifference, which is the opposite of Love, the energy of indifference which I experience Lately. Sounding Disorder in my mind.  The received attention was not in order with where I was longing for. Therefore I always look how people react at my decisions and behavioral choices.  Indifference   lack of interest, concern, or sympathy. "She/he shrugged, feigning indifference." Another example of indi...

I'm thinking why does B never tell me I love you hun. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I from B desire that B tells me I love you. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I experience sadness when I think about that B never before told me that I love you.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I forgive B that B could not give me what B did not received as what I expected to get from B. If and when I expect from B to Love me, then I will Stop myself and Breath.  I realize, see and understand that I can not demand B to love me because it's my expectation.  I commit myself to Stop myself and Breath when I expect from B to love me.  Desteni.org 

Lately I realize, see and understand that I react annoyed. The annoying which covers my critizice. The critique which covers unfulfilled desire. The desire covers my expectation to receive positive attention. The not received positive attention from people who has to give it to me, Justified me 'being allowed to criticize others'. Today I said good morning to a passer-by on the street. Then I said: 'do you don't say anything back when I say goodmorning to you, wherein I behaved slightly annoyed!' She answered back: 'but I did you did not hear me.' Oeps!  Selfforgiveness.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that the voice within my voice told me she did not say goodmorning to me.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I assume because my mind voice tells me, which justified my annoyingly reaction.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I see that I Lately react annoyed.  I forgi...

Realization comes over time. When reading blogs from fellow Destonians . Pick out, just one or two words which can brings back memories in mind. As assumtions or expectation.  I realize see and understand For a long time I desired for apologies, which I was thinking that the one's I was longing apologies from Deliberately postponed to give me those sorry vindications. I realize see and understand because they did not, they did not showed me unconditional Support. That was the reason I started thinking I'm not worthy enough to receive apologies. In the art work above you see the spaghetti of thoughts, conclusions, emotions and my with relief fulfilled writing. Written with green ink from an orange pen.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that someone who I blamed for something that person did not what I wanted him to do the way I expected. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I did not get apologies as the way I expecte...