Day 641 the suppressed energy of anger

A favourite emotion employed by the bullies and those who think themselves better than others Is in fact an expression of self-contempt as the expression of the Tantrum thrower, resulted in a moment of Tantrum throwing - but as we grow up and integrate into society, we are thaught that certain behavior is not acceptable, especially behaviors that can result in harming oneself or others. 

So, I was taught not to throw tantrums whenever I experienced irritation or frustration, but unfortunately the underlying experience, as the reaction in irritation or frustration was not understood or transcended. My parents told me that I had to behave friendly, decent and that I should create a atmosphere of Conviviality for the customers. On the other hand they where bullying eachother. For context see previous blog.

accused myself being guilty 

An important aspect of the Anger character to understand is how it works over a period of time in accumulating energy - until the energy no longer can be contained and it is acted upon in an outburst of anger.

Throughout our lives there are often moments that trigger the Anger character within us and where we react emotionally with some degree of Anger - in the form of irritation, frustration, disgruntlement, etc. As a child - any trigger of the Anger character could have resulted in a moment of Tantrum throwing - where as soon as we experience any form of Anger - we immediately act upon it - and so moving directly from reaction to action.

Any reaction in anger, frustration, disgruntlement, irritation, etc. – no matter how slight – are important to be investigated, directed and diffused – for it is such slight reactions that, if suppressed and left unattended – will accumulate and accumulate and accumulate into this giant ball of anger that will one day explode – and when it explodes, actual physical harm can become unto others or oneself. 

Therefore, with every reaction one has a responsibility to clear it right away – and not wait until it builds into a problem where one no longer has any form of directive power. "See – if we do not direct ourselves in the face of anger – the anger will direct us – and that is why 
in moments of anger outbursts, we become completely possessed and have no directive power – because in moments where we had the opportunity and the power to direct the points, we neglected to do so".

Selfforgiveness 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I accepted the energy of resentment within myself because my parents told me to behave decent and friendly and on the other hand they where Fighting eachother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I experienced the energy of resentment after my parents told me that I must behave friendly, decent and create a atmosphere of Conviviality and on the other hand they where bullying eachother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking they act Untrustworthy and hypocritical because what my parents taught me they didn't walk themselves. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I must behave friendly as told in the eyes of others who behaved unworthy. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I copied the energy of being unworthy. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I started thinking that I was unworthy and started feeling guilty and shameful about myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself experience the energy of being guilty after I saw actual physical harm because I was 'thinking it's my responsibility that this outburst between those people of anger took place'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I suppressed this energy of guilt. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that after I suppressed this energy of guilt and then started thinking all kinds of taught such as being guiltily about the bad atmosphere at home and then started trying do my best To restore and recreate good peace at home. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was thinking 'it's my responsibility to create a healthy atmosphere at home or at the places where I work or stay.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I Can remember a specific event in my life where I burst out in anger and then felt like I could not stop myself – as though the anger was completely overpowering/possessing me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that this event took place after I was accused of being guilty of something that was wrong that made me react angry with this person and evicted him from my home.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was angry at that moment where6the person reacted at me when he was blaming and accused me of being Infidelity. 

If and when I react after being accused, then I Stop myself and Breath. 

I realize, see and understand that I was thinking that I alone was responsible for the atmosphere and changes within my environment, when changes took place otherwise as ordered, where the given instructions. 

I realize, see and understand that the given rules And standards were not followed up by the instructors, I supposed they must be reliable in accordance with the rules which became my ideals, which they have to follow-up then also, which became the expectation within my mind. 

I realize, see and understand that given rules and expected behavior, as my acceptance and allowance, as my normative assumptions and values can change in time and that others have there opinions. 

I commit myself that I have to do some cross-reference before I Judge the behaviour of others in accordance with my view. 

For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

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