Day 639 realization after writing my blog about appointment.

I realize, see and understand that I have a issue with appointments. This issue exist as Points of expectations, longing and desire within my mind. In this blog 'without blaming myself or the person I talk about' because I want to stand equal whit my inner turmoil. 

Neglect where I was longing for. 

I realize, see and understand that When someone changes the appointment as agreed, where we spoke about before, this implies a change for me within my expectation and what I want to achieve as my desire. When the appointment changes then my expectation change, and then I will get greedy, caused by the energy of expectation and desire as agreed as my mind expectation, because I want to achieve the circumstances as agreed within my mind. 

I figured out during this writing, some deeper levels. At the end of writing this blog I realized this points: 'The experience of the energy of 'being scorned' was a decision I somewhere made in my life, this energy pops-up when a decision maker neglected to consult me and forced me to follow up their decision'.

What triggered me? 
Last week I had an appointment in mind, an expectation to meet someone. This person which was OK with the day we then agreed, at the last moment canceled and changed this day as agreed. The person would stay at my place that night and the next day we then would go together to a party. Because of this person's visit I bought more groceries as usual and was thinking to buy fresh milk which the person like to drink within the coffee. I also had in mind to take the person with me to a Greek restaurant as a supprise.

I realize, see and understand in a way I was Delighted to see the person again as agreed and then I was triggered at my mind accumulated energy 'being scorned personality'. 

Selfforgiveness 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that a change within this specific appointment, implies a change into the energy of Disappointment, pops-up, caused because of the change within the expectation in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was Delighted to see the person. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was disappointed, 'again' as agreed within my mind. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I'm more disappointed because I create expectation in my mind Where I manifested the energy of being delighted. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was Delighted as my desire and again also experienced the energy of dissapointment And the confirmation that my expectation was ignored, which caused me to experience disappointment again. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that after the change of being delighted changed into the idea 'this person now determines for me that I am obliged to accept this change'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I am assuming 'I'm obliged to accept this change'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I am delighted to meet the person, which then in my mind again changed into the belief 'I'm not important enough to get the care as offered when I made the appointment, (care as the synonym of being delighted).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that when I am delighted I move around at the energy of delightment = mental care of delightment changed into frustration because of the idea 'I'm not important enough to get the care where I am longing for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that the energy of delightment switched into the energy of frustration/anger and then told the person by WhatsApp 'fuck you'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that the person then asked me to make apologies that I used6the words 'fuck you' and blamed the person to change the appointment without Consultation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I in general have issues with the decision that people do not consulted me when they made decisions which impacted me negatively. 

If and when people do not consult me when they make decisions which impacts me negatively, then I Stop myself and Breath. 

I realize, see and understand that the decision of change impacts me negatively because I was not consulted. 

I realize, see and understand that I feel helpless in a moment of changes which impacts me negatively because of the idea I couldn't influence, I wasn't involved in this decision, I'm being Scorned. 

I realize, see and understand that the experience of the energy of being scorned was a decision I somewhere made in my life, this energy pops-up when the decision maker neglected to consult me and forced me to follow up their decision. 

The experience of the energy of being scorned was a decision I somewhere made in my life, this energy pops-up when the decision maker neglected to consult me and forced me to follow up their decision. 

I commit myself that I will investigate this point further. Next blog: 'being scorned'. 



Reacties

Een reactie posten

Populaire posts van deze blog

Dag 1 Luisteren is zeg maar echt mijn ding.

Afbeelding
Ik luister hoe anderen naar mij luisteren. Of ze mij daadwerkelijk horen en hoe zij wat ze horen interpreteren. En wat ervaar ik dan over mezelf, door wat ik toon waarop anderen anticiperen? Er spoken allerlei vragen door mijn hoofd. Alsof ik de enige ben die gezien en gehoord wil worden en wil een ander echt met mij in gesprek gaan? Geloven zij mij want meestal spelen anderen alleen maar een spelletje met mij. Altijd al zo geweest. Mijn waarheid zo mijmer ik verder. Of zijn deze spinsels indicators van die die ik niet ben? Wegwijzers!!! Ik denk dat wat ik denk mij grijpt en manipuleert om mij ervan te weerhouden vrij van angst te zijn. Dat angst mij in haar macht houdt en dat zij mij van mijn oorsprong weg wil houden. Maar waarom? In wat ik beluister hoor ik datgene wat mijn geest mij ingeeft. Zo heb ik inmiddels ervaren dat mijn waarheid bij navraag ook fout kan zijn. Heel vermoeiend. Ik vergeef mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard te hebben dat ik angst heb om mezelf te laten zien voorbi
Meer lezen

Woorden als topjes van de ijsberg

Afbeelding
  Woorden als topjes van de ijsberg Wanneer mensen een verlangen of een wens verwoorden, zijn ze zich er lang niet altijd van bewust wat ze zeggen, hoe goed ze misschien ook hebben nagedacht over hun verlangen. Dat komt omdat woorden als topjes van een ijsberg zijn: het grootste deel van de specifieke betekenis die een woord voor iemand heeft, bevindt zich onder het oppervlakte van het bewustzijn en slechts het topje van de ijsberg (de betekenis waarvan deze persoon zich bewust is) steekt erboven uit. Het gesproken of geschreven woord staat niet op zichzelf, maar is verbonden met die diepere, onbewuste betekenis. Levenservaringen en gebeurtenissen geven kleur aan een woord en bepalen voor een groot deel de betekenis ervan voor de persoon die het gebruikt. Bewustzijn 'Aware' zijn vraagt om oprechtheid of spontaniteit.  Denk maar eens over het woord schip, misdadiger, vader, moeder etc. Dat roept de vraag op: wat resoneert er allemaal mee in zorgvuldig gekozen woorden? Wat wordt
Meer lezen

Dualisme

Afbeelding
The dualist influences himself through his dualistic mind. If what takes place in the present here deviates from what one has in mind, as image, as word, thought, then one experiences this physique. So, the dualist influences himself through his expectation within the dualistic mind, which does not correspond to the present moment in here. The energetic radiation of the expectation that deviates from the present moment in here takes the lead. So the circumstances or the person we meet in here do not correspond with what is at the same moment present in our mind. There is a disturbance between the outer reflection and the inner deviant image. Our awareness of this phenomenon which disturbs us inwardly, for this we must B e open, A ware and G rateful...... BAG. Through awareness we open-up our eyes sincerely, to what we desire inwardly, what pops-up, in this or the present moment. Because we are controlled by the energy of our mind battery. Desteni-I-proces-Lite 
Meer lezen