DALKondersteuning

In my previous posts I came to the realization 'As a result of my contribution I expect An eruption of aggression and violence', Which I can not avoid.  For example, always starting up on a different topic, changing direction or saying: 'I do not want to talk about it, then I Isolate myself from contact'.  So the change which I have in mind is Always based on the assumption that change is imminent. I have always doubted this premise. This is because my starting point is based on my assumption that I doubt the fact that I can make changes possible because I do not have a direction or goals in mind. The assumption that I have allowed myself to assume something that is now subject to change which is not there.  For instance Demanding others: 'what you do, you do on my terms', I accepted and allowed myself That I had to avoid aggression and violence. Those where the terms I started living for. To keep the peace in the house.  When I was living with my p...

Yesterday I was in a place standing in front of the intrance of a public building where I was not sure how many people would be inside. A experience came into my mind, the accumulation of Bewilderment, a inner knowing which I experience my entire Life. An experience I truly feared and tried to avoid. For context please see my previous blog. The missing point: the startingpoint as my thoughts and assumptions underneath: 'I'm a loser, I realize, see and understand that's why I wanted to feel more confidence. Thinking and ordering myself 'why can't I feel secure instead insecure, why can't I walk around without resistance.' I realize, see and understand that I Was thinking 'I want to experience The confidence to walk into a room with many people.' This all happens in a split second.  I want to stand in Here Without being Influenced by my idea 'they observe me and Possibly can look at me, condescending, disapproving, criticizing me.'...

I realize, see and understand I avoid situations or people whom I think they ignored me. Then I experience the energy neglectance. Then I decide to avoid contact and isolate myself. When I avoid contact with people, after a while I think 'why don't they make contact with me?'  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I experience the energy of dissapointment because I experience myself neglected.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I experience the energy of disappointment Because I experience rejection and hostility in response to my request. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I Don't go to my doctor because at my request during a Telephone consultation with his assistant who asked my doctor, then he decided my doctor doesn't want to examine my blood. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have a reaction at the fact that my request was rejected without explanation o...