Day 613 weaknesses become strengths.

HOW ARE WE GOING TO PRACTICALLY CHANGE our weaknesses to every day strengths. We use the tools. During the Desteni chat from yesterday, I got feedback as the result of my Selfhonest contribution: ''my weakness is In this period of lock down I realize because I'm at home, that I can calm down because I don't have to do anything. I've always thought I should show responsibility to others. This is what I experience like if I'm being hunted and always has to defend myself and felt attacked.'' 

In my previous blog I mentioned that I was longing for apologies from others which they in my opinion postponed. 

What I realized as my weakness in this period of lock down because I'm at home since 7 weeks, that's why I can calm down because I don't have to do anything. 
I don't experience the pressure that people in my environment are controlling me. I've always thought I should show responsibility to others. That I was not full-fledged. That I exist as commodity, as a product that was used. As a servant In the company of my parents, submissive to.  That I was subjected to the judgment, the orders, the needs and frustration of others.

This is what I experience. Like if I'm being hunted. Assuming that I always had to defend myself, because of the impact, (which I decided) others had on me. I felt insecure, hunted, felt attacked. I want to be friendly and helpful, keep others happy, and assume that I will not be attacked. That's why, when I think about being attacked, I'm acting rigid, stiff, formal. I don't trust, doubt the true nature, the true purpose, the sincerity of others. 
I realize see and understand that I automatically suppose multiple scenarios.

Brassbound, cast-iron, exacting, hard-line, inflexible, rigorous, strict, stringent, uncompromising

Flexible, lax, loose, relaxed, slack. 

I realize see and understand that I'm always on my guard, see synonyms, act inflexible. I protect myself against external triggers, caused by the influence and the weakness within my mind. 

Step back 
In relation to feedback, my experience was mostly I react rigid, as the behavior I was used to, I made an assumption, which I accepted as my belief, in moments where I thought - this feedback is a attack. I looked at this point already during the weekly chat with my buddy. Being patient, Selfhonest and step in the words as meaning. And stand equal with what happens inside, do not defend and attack, do not blame what happens inside. Let it be and then write Selfhonest Selfforgivenesses. And I know When I step into the choice of attack, the anger personality is at work. 

Feedback Susan 
That's an interesting dimension Jan - now being more CENTERED and CALM within yourSELF, which would mean you in the past tried to PLEASE/live up to others expectations, or your own insecurities in the eyes of others. 
So a good application here would be to see why you went into servant, slave, pleasing, inferiority mode with other people - why not just be you and comfortable within that? 
So, Jan - you're becoming aware of your OWN COMPANY, your own self - which is cool :) - when you're content in your own company, that's a wonderful space to be in and withnow just to extend it to being constant and consistent when in the presence of others/other people, and your reactions towards them, usually reveal weaknesses inside yourself you haven't redefined, changed in living.

What was Interestingly I researched the word rigid, see the link above, within the dictionary showed me the word LAX, a word my mother lots of times said to me, lol.

Synonyms & Antonyms for LAX

Synonyms: Adjective
Careless, derelict, disregardful, lazy, neglectful, neglecting, negligent, remiss, slack. 

Antonyms: Adjective
Attentive, careful, conscientious, nonnegligent. 

When I decided to react at behavior of others as the personality of blame, mostly in the past or future I acted the same. 

Flexible and calmness as Livingstone. 
Flex-ible- i will be able be the flexibility, which I want to be and see as me, the same inner I've experienced during this lock down, living alone in my environment, within inner calmness, as calm-down, exist which I am as my innocence Beingness, my nature, my source as Oneness and Equality as all Life. 


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