Day 735 being the object of demands.

That I must behave in the prescribed demanding manner. You need to do what should be done in my way. On my terms. Which I accepted and allowed myself to obey. For context please see my previous post.  Wherein I commit myself that I have to do Daily priorities that I match with myself. 

I realize see and understand when I was a child I made the decision I obliges submit myself (I started demands myself ) to show my Obedience.

My mind voice told me 'If I don't do there way, I felt guilty.' They manipulate me.' Because the voice in my critical mind said that I needed to behave as ordered, like the prescribed way! Be obedient. 

I realize see and understand that I was thinking and learned that I need to follow the Prescription in order as prescribed. 

I thought I was obliged to be there for others. Like a Servant. 

I also thought it's not allowed to criticise others. I also learned myself that I have always be friendly. Because I am responsible for the well-being of others. If this fails I feel guilty. That's how I raised myself, the way they ordered. I had to do what they told me, what was told to do (demanding). 

If I did not F Became enraged. 

By the behavior F showed me I experienced more guilt. 

The Voice in my head took the form of criticism, demand and guilt. 

But because I had to behave in an adapted way, I suppressed these feelings and emotions. 

Emotionally, I was neglected. There was no one really interested in what I was thinking, doing or experiencing. 

I did not trust The intentions and compliments of others. 

I felt unsafe and rejected.

I was an object.

I felt responsible for the mood and well-being of others. For my parents customers and for my mother. If I fail to make others happy, to be satisfied, then I feel guilty. 

That's why I swallow and soppressed my needs. 

Don't criticize others! Boy be friendly Whatever happens. The customer is King aformisms was rejoined to me. 

What happened was when others get angry or critical of me, I freeze and experienced myself powerlessness. Later it became anger and irritation Because my needs were not seen. But with dedication I listened To the demands of others. To the customers, the teacher at school and grandparents. I wanted to please everyone and see satisfaction on their faces instead of anger or irritations. 

In fact: 'My needs were unimportant. I had to be there for the other person (s).' If not?

Emergence of debt-indicating parent mode

- Parentification, my parents were psychologically unstable

- I learned early on to feel responsible for the well-being of others

- Role model, learned from other family members how to behave in a certain way to please certain family members

- threat, if I did not take enough into account the mood and wishes of a family member, then a threatening situation arose.

How do I recognize the debt-indicating parent mode in myself?

-I do my best to please others.

- With this I want to avoid conflicts, quarrels and rejection.

- I must not get angry with others, otherwise I am a bad person.

- I force myself to feel a greater sense of responsibility than others.

As with the demanding parent mode, I always felt pressured. I find it difficult to express my own needs. Even if that's completely normal.

If someone else has such a guilt-inducing parent mode, she/he is probably making you feel like she's trying too hard to always get you after the sentence. You think he should be allowed to express his own needs a little more often. If you say something about that, you will notice that it is difficult for him to change that, even if he actually wants to. This response is very similar to the demanding parent mode.

Thanks for reading! 

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