Day 718 conceivable

Dictionary: conceivable Possible to imagine or to believe. 
Conceivable: able to think about. Conceive and see, as a goal, to explore, step by step, walk.

What I Conceived, That's how I thought, I'd fail. For context please see my previous post. 

Useless: not achieving what is needed. Then is There is a belief For what is desirable?
And: 'if there is no idea about what is desirable, then?' 

History 
During my childhood I always experienced the lack of self-confidence. By applying the Navy thought this choice makes my life meaningful. However, under my choice was my childhood experience of lack of self-confidence. As a result, I experienced myself ashamed, unfit, uninteresting and insecure in relation to girls/women, because "Publicly, I was and became Under the influence of the energy of what became my assumption : 'I was and always will be rejected.'


The ratrace of experiencing myself useless or usefull somewhere started. 
I Didn't experience the energy of: 'I am useless after I was using alcohol.' The idea for suicide was: ' if, then I'm no longer a burden to myself.' 

By thinking about what's Conceivable, Solution orientation, goals, those if/then decisions:
* if I use alcohol, then..... 
* when I consider suicide, then..... 

Then
I don't have to experience the energy of uncertainty any longer caused by my idea/assumption: 'I need to be usefull instead being useless.'

Sounding
Useless sounds like disapproval, rejection, Unfit. I confused this experience of not experience myself as uselessness by using alcohol with confidence. Being able to drink a lot of drinks I experienced the energy of pride, self-esteem and self-worth. 

I realize see and understand: 'if I use Alcohol sounds like medicine abuse, then I will Achieve my self-escape. 
My Self-escape from my idea: 'I am useless.'

Selfforgiveness 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself assuming useless not achieving what is needed. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking by Alcohol use, which is actually medicine abuse. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I will Achieve my self-escape by using alcohol. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself assuming by alcohol use I can escape from the energy of my experience idea/creation 'I was useless and will stay Worthless. '

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself assuming I am engaged in a series of endless or useless actions that offer no prospect of results. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking that my life is useless. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself assuming because I was useless I will always stay Worthless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself assuming I was useless. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking in the morning when I wake up: 'I will always stay Worthless.' 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I never not really experienced I am useful because of the experience of energy created by my mind conceptual assumption I am useless. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that my mind conceptual assumption tells me that I am useless. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself assuming I need to be useful. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not knowing the Intention from I have to be useful. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I am not aware how being useful, as innocent Beingness, should be. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the acceptance of the energy of my underneath idea: 'the foundation of being usefull is Located, described within the startingpoint of my assumption that I am useless.'

Thanks for reading! 


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