Day 644 protect my emotions

During a WhatsApp conversation I realize, see and understand that I protect my emotions because I feel hurt. After this experience I decided to leave the chat. 

After I experience this emotion I realize, see and understand that I loose Interest in the person, my interest in her disappears after she answers 'maybe' to my question 'have you already eaten'! 

I feel hurt because her answer seems ridiculous. 

I realize see and understand by distancing myself by leaving the chat, I'm thinking that I am reducing my chances of being ridiculed. 

Selfforgiveness 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I feel hurt. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed thinking 'what an ridiculous answer'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking 'instead a ridiculous answer I expect an serious answer to my question'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself because of my thoughts I'm losing interest in the woman and only that's why I feel hurt. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I think this lady makes fun about because she answers 'maybe'. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I distancing myself because I feel ridiculed. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed that I experience the energy of being ridiculed. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself after I experience the energy of being ridiculed that I loose interest in the lady. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that She feels that I have removed here - because I respond succinctly to her WhatsApp messeges. 

I realize, see and understand that I respond succinctly to her WhatsApp messeges because we agreed to do so. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking 'by distancing myself I'm reducing the chances of being ridiculed.'

If and when I experience the energy of being ridiculed, then I Stop myself and Breath. 

I realize, see and understand instead of being ridiculed I want to be treated seriously. 

I realize, see and understand what does it mean to me be treated seriously? 

I commit myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that people should treat me seriously, so what does this mean for me. I need to get clear for myself first that I need to investigate 'being ridiculed.'

Sounding being ridiculed: Laughy, disinterested, not involved, I am Aware of the fact that I am a ridiculous human being, no value, funny, Where am I interfering with, rejecting my interest/Involvement/Beingness when I ask something. 

I realize, see and understand that underneath this experience as my expectation the assumption In my mind is Present and pops-up: 'My Beingness will be rejected when I am involved, then I will be ridiculed'.

After a traumatic experience I feeled guilty. Then without any explanation My M kissed me. M was happy, she kissed me without any explanation about The reason for my guilt experience. This impact of this experience which I suppressed. 

Ridiculed

Ridicule implies purposeful disparagement. 

I realize, see and understand that I want treat the lady the way like in moments where I experienced the energy of 'purposeful disparagement'. In this blog you reading when I asked the lady 'did you already eat she answered 'maybe', this answer became my trigger that I got aware of my purposeful disparagement assumption. 

I realize, see and understand that this assumption became meaningful for me during my youth after my observation, my interpretation was my impression: 'they' deliberately ignore someone.'

They which are the 'people within my environment which ignored me.'

Will be continuid. 

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