Day 695 when I behave as manner of allowance.

I realize see and understand that it's only possible to do something, when I behave in a similar manner as the manners which I use to disapprove. Because what Provides me with the information I have used That I disapprove someone or something?

For instance my disapproval of being Obedient. If someone told me to obey some restrictions or rules, then I experience resistance, I getting forced through imposed rules. 

If you Go to an education, You already know in advance you know that you will be judged on their rules. From my Beingness I have always experienced resistance to imposed rules. 

I experienced Listening to rules such as Imposed Obedience. By now, I also know that I act against opposed rules which I am agitating against, those were needed to know that rules are restrictions of my creativity to physically explore the outcome of my Beingness. 

Thus somehow Assumed accepted and allowed myself the information like the way I have blamed others. The blame which resonates as the energy of censure as words like disapproval, hostility, shouting, anger, violence and aggression. 

Because some experiences I interpret as disapproval, hostility, shouting, anger, violence and aggression, those accepted and allowed meanings as names, as words, as experience, as memory like disapproval, hostility, shouting, anger, violence and aggression exist as the viruses Which my mind imagines me in moments where they are triggered, as a virus mind startingpoint during events in here.

In my previous post I write about my father and The way in which what he did, as my observation, I have assigned meaning to, as my interpretation. 'What he did was never good enough', the way his mother treated him my mother told me because she was Witnessing the way my father's mother bee him in front of my mother. 

When I think back about the way my father treated me Then I see similarities. I became aware of this and started thinking during Reading in a 'Virus free Mind', and also in previous lessons of the Desteni DIP I Process Lite and posts In the context of the various topics covered in the lessons In which I reflect on my experience I've written about. 

As a result, by being responsible for my well-being, Because I felt depressed, I realize see and understand that A common thread that runs through my mind as a memory and thoughts which pops-up as backchat in my consciousness is the phrase: 'what I do will be never good enough.' 

That I behave in accordance with what I have accepted and allowed myself Is a Determinated decision that I think about what I am. This thoughts manifest my wall of resistance I Resonate with. What drives me as the energy like the way I drive my car. 

Selfforgiveness 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have allowed getting forced through imposed rules. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have subject myself to my determinated mind rules. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking 'what I do will be never good enough.' 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I obey my mind, the one who already knows in advance, what I have to obey because I know that my mind will judge me for my contribution, Which will be criticised as the rules of Criticism  that I should contribute In a different way. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I experience the energy of doubt the way I need to behave decent. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I experience restlessness and resistance because of what I know in mind advance is never decent enough. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I experience resistance when I do not act as the way what I know in advance because I experienced myself as the energy of doubt. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I experience resistance when people do not act as what I know is best in that moment as my mind advance of doubt tells me that the way others behave should be different. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I behave the way I think as my mind advance of doubt tells me that the way others behave should be different. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I as my mind advance of doubt tells me that the way others behave should be different but what do I want? 

I realize see and understand that that I do not know 'the but what do I want?' 

If and when I realize see and understand that that I do not know 'the but what do I want?', this tought experience makes me feel indifferent. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the but what do I want?', as mind tought experience makes me feel indifferent. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that my mind but what do I want doubt experience makes me feel indifferent. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I experience the energy of indifference. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when I experience the energy of indifference I decide to I want to Use alcohol or start watching porn. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when I experience the energy of indifference I decide to.

If and when I decide to go to the supermarket to buy alcohol, then I Stop myself and Breath. 

I realize see and understand that If I decide to go to the supermarket to buy alcohol it's because I participate in the energy of disapproval and then experience the energy of indifference. 

I realize see and understand that Because I can't make a choice because of it, then I experience doubts what I disapprove and then experience the energy of indifference which makes me feel secure to buy and decide to go to the store and then consume alcohol. 

I commit myself that I explore this further in my next post: 'Day 696 the way I accepted to measure myself being a failure'.

Thanks for reading!

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