Day 629 what is one's motivation for craving.

Craving the motivation for craving is for example an subconscious idea which controls and reflects words, assumptions and thoughts within your mind. Why am I?’ will have the same influences from our  

environment and our, reactions and behaviour to what we observe, try out and copy. We use the examples we follow to  

justify why we behave in the same way. 

An opinion, idea, a point within your mind, which tells you 'follow up my order', 'be submissive, you need to achieve what I tell', achieve me, as the meaning within craving explains, the examples of the 'craving personalities' Passionate desire. 

The craving personality, what your mind Whisperer tells you to do. When you decide to follow up the mind instructor's story, instead staying sober, relapse Lurks around the corner. The story of the craver wich is supporting the Intakeurge, 'the urge to use, take-in', the use of the substance or behavior, compensation for what is missing. The LACK which Lurks around the corner. 

Relapse is one of the central elements in the definition of addiction. This startingpoint which the care is using During therapy. Whereas therapist's assumption is, which they tell clients: 'Once addicted always addicted'. But in my Destonian opinion relapse, this risk exists, because of the Assumption therapist assumed - 'once addicted always addict', which is Presumes at the start of of addiction care program is to Lasting sobriety, which Sounds like: SO-BRIGHT-Y. SO-CIE-TY. Another sound will be, so it was my case, I was thinking 'Once addicted always addict' when I will fall back because I use alcohol again, then I will be a more bigger loser Than I already was.'

'What goes around comes back' the point of receiving what one give. Give as you will receive. The first step, before you can start is Courage To face your mind honest, look at your behavior sincerely, investigate where the 'I already was a Loser, a sort of LACK, started?' 

Then the Question should be: 'what am I receiving', when I tell myself 'I am addicted and I will always be an addict, for the rest of my life!' That is wath my therapist assumed! What will happen with those persons who follow up this Assumption? What I experienced was because of this 'once/always' assumption, I experienced more craving because of the idea of missing. 

The missing is: 'I'm a loser so I want to feel more cofidence, I do not feel secure but insecure, and I am not without resistance. The confidence walk into a room with many people, they observe me and Possibly can look at me, condescending, disapproving, criticizing, the risk when I walk into that room, I was thinking which made me feel doubting. Considering That people laugh at me or ridicule me, that's why I was craving for understanding and unconditional Support and no-resistance because I was afraid. To suppress it all 'what goes around in my mind, I used alcohol which made me feel more without resistance. But I needed more and more to feel the same securenes to start a conversation or made eye contact 'without the experience of the the resistance personality which pops-up'. 

Craving for unconditional and honest understanding and physical Support was what I needed after I asked myself the questions: 

- 'Why do I use and is alcohol giving me', 

- 'where and why do I not speak about, 

- 'what I need', 

- 'what will I start missing when walking the proces of absence of alcohol'. 

The motivation for craving after one told me this assumption was 'why should I Stop drinking?' 

I realize, see and understand that the assumption 'once addicted always addict' opened up my assumption of indifference, determined by indifference this assumption Increased the intensity. 

At that moment in my life, at the start of my proces of Abstinence, I could not see why this assumption manifested such a lot of resistance, because of the assumption the therapist told me'. 

After he told and explained, 'Once addicted always addicted', I experienced a feeling of hopelessness because of my idea 'I can not, never ever using alcohol anymore'. 

Because of This idea of missing my mind craving Increased. My resistance grow 'missing alcohol, I can not use not use alcohol never ever again. 

I realized, saw and understood that I couldn't handle this idea of missing. The idea I can never ever use alcohol again. This point of missing was a big step to take at this specific moment in my life. 

When the therapist told This missing I could not handle. Missing alcohol, missing the positive influence, the Meaning of missing alcohol was Meant as the lack of confidence, missing of the support to feel/experiencing more confident, missing the fear assumed by the idea 'the critique Which I might be able to get', can't hurt me now, doesn't show me his terrible Menacing eyes'. The missing of alcohol Had to me the meaning 'now I will missing the support to experience securenes and confidence'. 

The idea of craving is sort of a motivational speaker, shearing its opion which one simply has to follow up without arguing, without asking. The motivational speaker (the voice of the mind) - 'If you want to feel confident, then buy me'. 

The motivational speaker is demanding you. Wakes-up with you in the morning ordering you what to do in the evening. But who is behind the scenes ordering the motivational speaker? Who gave him his information?

In my previous post I was writing about my inner mind foundation, experiencing and corresponding with my idea of being disappointed and insecure. This construct I manifested in relation to environmental factors during my childhood. This I figured out during therapy and within my Selfhonest writings. 

An example that 'the seeds of Approach' showed by others instead with kindness, people reacted indifferent or Cheeky and disrespectful. Actually those 'seeds' were my observations which I attributed meaning to. My Acceptance and Allowance. 

But, are the others who dictates you or is there something behind? Something that manifest That, which designs the manifestation of the image 'The what you SEE, AS the IMAGE? It's designed, directs and shapes the decisions of the Physical body! 

Is it possible that this design manifest relapse instead recovery from the addiction? Is Relapse also based at an control system from the addiction care system!

"Irritability is an expectation that results when a preoccupation / desire is interfered with, by the movement towards commonsense. Push the commonsense and once reason that's best prevails: the irritability will go. 

So, understand that irritability is like the friction between good and evil within you, battling for control - while you want neither. As both are just different forms of energy, and not Life."  Bernard Poolman"

Many factors can cause or contribute to irritability, including life stress, a lack of sleep, low blood sugar levels, and hormonal changes. Extreme irritability, or feeling irritable for an extended period, can sometimes indicate an underlying condition, such as an infection or diabetes. After some Blood test I became aware of the fact that I had Type 2 diabetes. 

Type 2 diabetes develops when the body becomes resistant to insulin or when the pancreas is unable to produce enough insulin. Exactly why this happens is unknown, although genetics and environmental factors, such as being overweight and inactive, seem to be contributing factors.

Underneath irritability Lies the layer of bewilderment. Synonyms: obfuscation, puzzlement, befuddlement, mystification, bafflement, bemusement (noun) confusion resulting from failure to understand.

See next blog for more context about bewilderment. This inner experience which I tried to avoid in the past Because I simply could not Appoint this word before. 

I absolutely did my best. What is this mean from out the starting point, the view of thinking: 'I am a failure, that's why I received critique, and I am not worthy, I experience insecureness and after all I am thinking my existence is not Appreciated, not planned, 

I started with indulgentness, which I decided and have done by choice because I was born by mistake and allowed myself that I had the Right to get appreciation so I was seeming kind in my behavior. This from the starting point I have the Right to get and receive appreciation and understanding, so I was seeming kind in my behavior but in my mind I experienced the energy of indifference, frustration, fear of rejection, hate and insecureness. 

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